Ameliorate

Hi.

Thank you for all your kind words about my previous rant. It was an overwhelming situation without any proper way to channel it (and yes locallad, you’re right…memang tak manis tapi nak buat macam mana dah naik angin..I won’t do it again, I promise). To be extremely honest, I started taking photos as an outlet to express my fears and uncertainties about my future and my unhappiness towards my current situation that no one I was close to could understand. I was at the brink of quitting something that I wanted since I was 16, and only later after I studied psychiatry did I realise that a little before the period I started all of this, I fitted all the criteria of major depressive disorder. Tumblr was merely a way to kill all the time I had, and to divert myself from spending hours all teary eyed and being despondent. What I found instead, is a network of really amazing people. Although we’re perfect strangers, the support you guys have shown me is really something I can’t describe. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Since I can’t sleep at awkward hours, I figured I’d do something for you guys. This is Lua by Bright Eyes. I mess up a bit and I’m sure I’m singing a bit off key, but eh, not so bad considering I was at the hospital since 5pm and only returned home at 6am (but I got to deliver a baby! No, I didn’t drop him), so make an exception :D Much love.

p/s: I promise I’ll keep the long posts and the “Dear diary” at a bare minimum :)

[Flash 10 is required to watch video]

♥ 12
→ 29 May 12 at 5 pm

Dear Racist Asshole Doctor,

I am writing this in response to your remark, as the hospital hierarchy disallows me to voice this to your face (and knowing how weak your character is, you’ll probably pull a seniority card on me again and make my life harder). Firstly, there is no room for racism in the medical field. I can’t even begin to tell you how you disgust me as a person, or even worse, that there are people like you who are supposed to be saving lives. Secondly, yes, I am just a medical student and of course you will know more than me, with at least 2 years experience under your belt and a medical degree to boot. But don’t forget, you were once just like me. The only reason you’re a certified doctor and I am not, is by virtue of you being born before me. Knowledge is nothing without humility. You’re just a medical officer, you’re not even a specialist yet and THIS is how you treat people who know less than you? I am here to learn, I’m here in this god forsaken place when I could be on holiday for a week. I’m glad I met you, it’s to make sure I will never be like you. I’ll be better than you, as a doctor and as a person. Be damn sure of that. You embody almost everything I hate about the medical profession.

Take this and stick it in the black hole that was supposed to be your heart.

♥ 21
→ 28 May 12 at 9 am Last look.

♥ 9
→ 28 May 12 at 8 am

i need a new adventure.

♥ 8
→ 26 May 12 at 9 pm Unrequited.

♥ 13
→ 26 May 12 at 1 am Kiyomezu-dera, Kyoto.

If I had to choose a place to extend my internship, it would definitely be in Kyoto. So many things to see and do. I fell in love with the place.

tags: Kiyomizu-dera Kyoto Japan internship japan adventures

Kiyomezu-dera, Kyoto.
If I had to choose a place to extend my internship, it would definitely be in Kyoto. So many things to see and do. I fell in love with the place.

♥ 14
→ 25 May 12 at 11 pm Kiyomizu-dera, Kyoto.

By the time we finished looking at all the love shrines etc. it was too late to catch a good glimpse of the other temples. We stood there, waiting for the sun to set and told each other stories of our childhood and hopes for the future.

“I was a weird kid, you see. I used to close my eyes and play a game where I’d list 10 things I can hear.”

“Well let’s do that. One, water. Two, bell ringing. You should start, you’re losing.”, he replied me with a big smile on his face.

We opened our eyes only to be greeted by the setting sun. It was only him, me, and a 300 year old temple. It was perfect.

tags: Japan Adventures Japan Internship Kiyomizu-dera Kyoto My mum says it seems I went to Japan for a holiday and not for an internship

Kiyomizu-dera, Kyoto.
By the time we finished looking at all the love shrines etc. it was too late to catch a good glimpse of the other temples. We stood there, waiting for the sun to set and told each other stories of our childhood and hopes for the future.
“I was a weird kid, you see. I used to close my eyes and play a game where I’d list 10 things I can hear.”
“Well let’s do that. One, water. Two, bell ringing. You should start, you’re losing.”, he replied me with a big smile on his face.
We opened our eyes only to be greeted by the setting sun. It was only him, me, and a 300 year old temple. It was perfect.

♥ 11
→ 21 May 12 at 5 pm

tags: my ineptitude Loss of consciousness= 2 Syahirah=0 Why the hell am I fainting all over the place Rant

What. The. Hell.

Today I watched one of “my patients” get his second toe amputated. They had to do it in the ward because the minor operation theaters were full for the next 4 days.

They closed the curtains and prepped him, gave him a nerve block and started the amputation. He was numb but fully conscious.

“Uncle, you can close your eyes. You don’t have to look”, I said. (In malay culture, we never address elders with their names, it’s considered very rude…so everyone becomes uncle or auntie)

“No, it’s okay. It doesn’t hurt and I’m not crying.” He said cooly. He even made jokes about the patient in the next bed and was laughing at the doctors joking around with him.

Guess who fainted and who stayed awake throughout the entire procedure?

Sorry, I had to rant. I’m incredibly frustrated that this is the second time I’ve fainted. I want to fix this problem! You can’t have doctors fainting all over the place. If this was survival of the fittest, then I’d already be dead.

♥ 26
→ 20 May 12 at 11 pm Spider vs photographer in Roponggi, Tokyo.

That’s all for me this week. I’ll be sitting for my orthopedics exam this Friday, then a week off that will be spent camping in a national park near Kuching and delivering cutie patootie babies into the world (a prerequisite of 15 babies so that I can graduate. Let’s hope it was mating season 9 months ago!). Have a good week! Much love.

tags: Photography Japan Adventures Japan Internship Roponggi Tokyo Spiders

Spider vs photographer in Roponggi, Tokyo.
That’s all for me this week. I’ll be sitting for my orthopedics exam this Friday, then a week off that will be spent camping in a national park near Kuching and delivering cutie patootie babies into the world (a prerequisite of 15 babies so that I can graduate. Let’s hope it was mating season 9 months ago!). Have a good week! Much love.

♥ 13
→ 20 May 12 at 11 am Kaminarimon, Asakusa.

I was standing in front of the gate when a very curious Japanese lady decided to ask me where I’m from and was shocked and slightly amazed that I was traveling alone, armed with only 5 Japanese phrases (smiling and gesturing usually does the trick). She “adopted” me and took me to have traditional sweets with her :) She really made my day!

tags: japan adventure Japan Internship Asakusa Tokyo

Kaminarimon, Asakusa.
I was standing in front of the gate when a very curious Japanese lady decided to ask me where I’m from and was shocked and slightly amazed that I was traveling alone, armed with only 5 Japanese phrases (smiling and gesturing usually does the trick). She “adopted” me and took me to have traditional sweets with her :) She really made my day!

♥ 2
→ 20 May 12 at 10 am

Where’d you think you’re going, baby?

So much better than the original. Ben Howard <3

♥ 7
→ 19 May 12 at 2 am
Walking the Rainbow Bridge, Odaiba.

I had mixed feelings about the artificial island of Odaiba, it was strange how everything was so perfect. It made me want to run around and vandalize something. But also, it was great how everything was perfect and ideal, even the fruits look like they were sent from the heavens!

tags: Odaiba Rainbow Bridge Tokyo Japan adventures Japan internship